Use a Rotary Phone--Save a Bee

George and I don't use cell phones. It's not because we hate them or anything, but we just never got around to it. Okay, I think George kinda hates them, especially when they go off in a theater. But our aversion is mainly practical--we lose things.

One thing I have never misplaced, though, is my old red rotary phone from the 386 Club. I have hauled this heavy thing around with me since I left Mill Valley in 1983, and we had it in the house since the late 60s. I made a lot of dates on this phone. Made crank calls on it, too. Answered many many wrong numbers, mainly for La Ginestra (or was it La Veranda?), the local Italian restaurant whose number was one digit off from ours. Yes, it's true, I even took a few pizza orders that would never be delivered, brat that I was. My junior high girlfriends and I would stay on this phone for hours at a time, sometimes saying absolutely nothing...just listening to each other breathe. And when my dad died, this was the phone that brought me that news. So it and I have a history that goes way back.

It has its advantages and its drawbacks. On the positive side, it always works during a power outage, and its bell rings loud and clear and sounds like a real phone, none of this annoying buzzing, beeping, vibrating, or cutesy ringtones. Its design is attractive and it looks very nice, much nicer than most modern phones. This design has been around so long that it's actually become hip. But on the negative side, you can't navigate through those menus that everyone now uses ("Press one for English, Press two for Spanish, Press Three for Esperanto," &c.), and the cord will only take you so far and no further. Portable it is not.

The one other thing this phone will not do is kill or confuse bees. I shall list that on the "positive" side of the slate...humans need bees. A study came out recently that blames cell phones for the escalating disappearance of bees:

"The theory is that radiation from mobile phones interferes with bees' navigation systems, preventing the famously homeloving species from finding their way back to their hives. Improbable as it may seem, there is now evidence to back this up."

Cell phones are handy, alright, but they might be more dangerous than we ever suspected. Unless you want to use them as a weapon. They simply have no clout, no heft, no oomph. But my rotary phone? Ouch.